At the start of this year, I began a regular meditation routine to help focus my personal practice.
One of the first lessons that I was given during meditation was learning to understand how fear forms a basis for so many negative behaviors and thoughts.
This lesson has become an almost daily mental exercise, where I see a situation in which a negative response has been elicited, either from myself or in another person, and I try to work backwards from that negative reaction to see what base fear the reaction stemmed from.
This lesson has forced me to look critically at my own negative behaviors and I’ve found that fears that I was taught by those around me in my younger years, either intentional or otherwise, have had a lasting affect on the way I view myself and my own abilities.
I’m sure this is not exactly an earth-shattering revelation for most.
However, in recognizing what the origin of my fears are I’m working to retrain myself to have realistic expectations for my work instead of setting my own bar so unattainably high that it inhibits me from feeling that I’ve ever completed anything worthwhile.
For now, I’m trying to focus on moving forward with positivity and allow myself the freedom to create without judging myself or my work; reminding myself that retaining my authenticity in my own work is what is most important.
